


Somnambulist Chaser

by AuntieNadeshiko (Haurvatat)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Sleepwalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-02
Updated: 2013-06-02
Packaged: 2017-12-13 17:20:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/826826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haurvatat/pseuds/AuntieNadeshiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is sleepwalking and making a general nuisance of himself as far as Karkat's concerned.  The thing is... Karkat's concerned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somnambulist Chaser

When Karkat woke, it was because half the bed was cold.

It had been strange, adjusting to what humans called “beds”. Why couldn’t they just rest in comfortable slime-filled recuperacoons like trolls did? No issues like poor spinal support in there. No faulty springs in the mattress, no cricks in your neck when you woke up. And no cold spots when your bedmate went mysteriously missing.

“John?” he called, trying to be quiet. If John just rolled off the bed and smacked into the floor, it would be one thing. But no answer came.

“You little fucking shit, what have you managed to bungle on a galactic scale this time?” Karkat muttered, more to himself than anything. “If you’re not being attacked by time-travelling gods of destruction or super-powered genocidal monarchs of troubled states, then you have no fucking business waddling off into the wild blue yonder and waking me up.”

Actually, those were both reasonable options, if you overlooked the part where John hadn’t woken Karkat up. Surely, if someone were en route to kill them, John would have kept Karkat in the loop. That, or a sword to the think pan would serve as sufficient notification.

“John? You going to answer, or ignore me systematically like the mindless grub you are?” he called.

Okay, so maybe he was a tiny bit worried. One way or another, he wasn’t going to raise his voice. The last thing he needed was a collection of nosy-ass humans (and the occasional less nosy troll who would accompany for the sole purpose of heckling) all up in his and John’s business.

Not in the kitchen. Okay.

Not in the living rooms or the library, either.

The computer room was empty.

That weird playhouse island thing that Karkat generally avoided because what the hell was that doing there was also bereft of the living.

The little room that no one knew what the hell it was there for, but it had a piano that John would sometimes play? Empty.

Where in the seven hells…?

One last place to check, aside from the respiteblocks of the others, or the ventilation shafts.

Karkat glanced at the bathroom door. It was darkened, and the door was open, so he’d assumed no one was in there. Maybe…

He flicked on the light.

There was John, sitting with his knees up to his chin. Smack-dab in the middle of the tub. Clothes on, no water in the tub. Just sitting there. His eyes were blank as he stared into utter nothingness. Karkat waved a hand in front of his face.

“John? A functioning synapse in there?” No response. Karkat decided against making an insulting joke when there wasn’t even anybody conscious around to appreciate it. “Are you at least coming back to bed?”

John’s head turned slightly up to face Karkat, though his eyes still appeared to be processing nothing. He made some mumbling noises. “That’s not speech, fuckass. You need to tell me things in a tongue we both understand.” John just climbed out of the tub, slow as cold molasses, and began plodding out of the door. Karkat gently guided him in the direction of their room whenever the human seemed to forget which way it was, which happened frequently.

As Karkat tucked his little idiot in (something he would deny doing until his dying day), he whispered, “Your ass has got some heavy explaining to do in the morning when I am conscious and caffeinated enough to care.”

\---

The next morning, John was missing again. Karkat would never get used to how bright it is on Earth, the sunlight assailing his retinas even through the blinds on the window. He could only assume that John had woken up naturally and either gone to the bathroom (to actually use it this time) or the kitchen to get breakfast.

Karkat sleepily trudged to the kitchen, relaxing slightly when he saw John slouched on a stool by the island over a bowl of… whatever the fuck that rainbow-colored shit was.

He pulled up a stool next to John, waiting.

John’s eyes flicked up. He gave a small smile and went back to his food, eyes continuing to stray in Karkat’s direction.

“So,” Karkat said.

“Hm?”

“You gonna tell me what the fuck that was last night?”

John swallowed his mouthful of cereal and quirked an eyebrow. “What the fuck what was? I mean, I slept like crap, but I don’t know how you’d know that.”

“Not what I was talking about. The getting-up-and-hiding-in-the-ablution-block part of the night.”

“The what?”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Ablution. Like ablution trap. You know.”

“You mean the bathroom?”

“Yes.”

“When was I in the bathroom?”

Karkat growled. “Last fucking night. You got up and decided to wander about aimlessly in the night, pan-dead to the world. You know, the torches were lit but the hive was empty? Ringing any bells?”

“Oh my God, not again,” John said. “Shit, I’m sorry. I woke you up, then.”

“No. My disembodied spirit followed you and figured out where you were. Of course you woke me up, but that’s not the point here. What the fuck was all that about. I think an explanation is kind of owed here,” Karkat said.

“I… Well… Fuck. This is kind of hard to explain.”

“I haven’t got anything better to do in this load gaper of a dwelling. Take as long as you need or whatever.”

John swallowed nervously. “I guess you don’t have sleepwalking on Alternia?”

“Hm? Probably here and there, but I’ve never met anyone who did it. Recuperacoons are pretty hard to climb out of, you know. I’d think it would also be pretty easy to tell when you did it from the slime hoof prints all over the hive. Guess with no slime, that’s not an option for humans, huh?”

“No.”

“So that’s all it was? This… sleepwalking thing?” Karkat asked. 

“Um… Yeah! Yeah. It’s just a thing. I’m sure it’ll go away eventually. I don’t know how to keep from waking you up, though.”

Karkat frowned. “You’re hiding something. Sleepwalking isn’t normal for humans either, is it?”

John looked paler than normal, and that was saying something. “I-“

“Do I need to get Rose in here to dissect your thoughts? It’ll be the first time that bunk has come in handy. I’ll do it, too.”

“Shit! No, don’t do that!” John begged. Karkat grinned. Jackpot. “Okay… So, humans can sleepwalk normally and all that, but I’ve never done it before. And then, stuff was… well, the game and everything…”

“Spit it the fuck out, Egbert.”

“I haven’t been sleeping well for a while, plus the stress and stuff… It kind of messes with my head enough that this happens.”

Karkat was silent for a while. Oddly, he understood. When he’d gone through his own Sburb campaign, he hadn’t slept for days on end, if you excluded the fainting fit he’d had when Kanaya had decided to play surgeon on Tavros’s lower half with a chainsaw. And after that, images of the blood of his friends splattered on the floor, their entrails visible if you looked hard enough… They had definitely kept him up when he should have been sleeping. Granted, he’d never done this sleepwalking thing, but he could definitely understand stress and the sleeping issues that could come with it.

“Kind of a shit-hole of a game, huh?” Karkat asked.

John cracked a smile. “I guess you could say that.”

Karkat faltered. “Do you regret it?”

“Regret what?”

“Playing it in the first place? Getting involved? Seeing a whole lot of shit go down? You could have gone your whole life without ever seeing anyone die violently, from how pansy-ass a culture your Earth seemed to have. I’m asking if you regret having seen all of this. Having met us.” The implied ‘do you regret meeting me?’ went unspoken.

John was quiet. So was Karkat. He had to admit, he almost wished he hadn’t asked the question. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know. What if John said yes? What if he regretted everything?

John took a deep breath, and Karkat’s caught in his throat. “I don’t think I do. Regret any of it, I mean. Yeah, a lot of horrible stuff happened, and some friends died. Vriska, crazy though she is. All of your friends. My dad and Rose’s mom and Dave’s bro. But we’re in a world where they’re alive again, at least, so… that’s something. If I’d never played the game, I never would have gotten to meet Dave or Rose or Jade face-to-face, and I never would have met you or any of the other trolls. I never would have hit God Tier, that’s for damn certain.” He sighed, but it was content. “Call me fucked up, but I feel like I’m a different person because of it. I don’t necessarily dislike who it is I’ve managed to become. I think I like him better than the old John.” He turned to Karkat. “And I know I like you.”

Karkat’s face burned. “Mushy-ass nook-sniffer. Keep that for the respiteblock where it belongs. But for what it’s worth… it’s good to know. What you just said. Maybe it’ll calm your brain down for long e-fucking-nough to get some proper sleep so you don’t wake me up halfway through the night.”

John laughed. “Got it. Here’s hoping, huh?”

Karkat grumbled all the way down the hall. Honestly. He had a mushy fucking dork for a matesprit.

**Author's Note:**

> Just so you don't think I'm actually intelligent to have come up with this title on my own... I borrowed it from an episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Pass your judgement. I can take it. I just really liked how unexpectedly witty it was. The sheer badness of the pun didn't hurt, either.


End file.
